Single and mama.

Its not all hell and brimstone.

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This all started with some jokes, bad ones at that. I cannot stop laughing though… let me share the glory.

Que: What happens when you go black?

Ans: You become a single mum

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Que: Why don’t black men take care of their kids?

Ans: Because you can’t put rims on them

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Best pick up line of the century.

A girl and a guy are on a first date.

She says: I am a single mum of one… looks at him waiting for an excuse and quick exit.

He says: Awesome, want to be a mum of two?

( Swoon!)

wink

I know single mums have a bad rep, all around. I wish to declare that not all single mums set out to “trap” a man. In fact, you will find that most ended up being single mothers as a result of failed contraception, those morning after pills decided to stay out late night and all together refused the call of duty. There are also those who had the serious misfortune of losing their partner to death, a cruel cruel outcome. Then there are those who simply walked out of a relationship that was not going to end well, e.g. dating a drunk, drug addict or serial cheat, nobody needs that. I am sure there are other scenarios I have not mentioned, but either way, we are all branded and huddled up under the same umbrella.

So here’s the thing. It is not always raining in our world, we have nothing in common with Eeyore. Yes there are struggles, but they do not always get the best of us. In fact, I dare say, it is sometimes easier to parent single handedly, than to be chained to a man who wants not to be there.

Firstly, from the jump, as a single mother, you get to name the child whatever you want. Being African, we are mostly patriarchal, meaning that the man’s side of the family gets to be named first before you can think of naming your own. This means, for instance, I would have to pop 8 children before my father gets to be named. It’s NEVER THAT SERIOUS, single mum’s score!

You get to decide on religion, without having migraines and near stabbings. As a single mum, if you are Catholic, then your children will be Catholic. If you have a partner, he wants say, which means compromise, which is the reason you split in the first place. So no, being single here is not a bad idea at all, single mum’s score.

Education, being what it is, is unfortunately necessary. Its sad as a SM (single mum), the option to homeschool is none existence because your young will never acquire the taste of Newspaper Casserole, so your back side needs a paycheck, sometimes 5. However, you get to decide where and which system works best for you. Religious led schools not being out of the question if that is what tickles your fancy. School fees is a female mutt, I freely admit, but its less headache when you know your children are getting the best and not suffering second choice because the sperm donor would rather the cheaper option. Single mums score!

God’s grace, I find is all the more abundant and evident when circumstances work against the innocent. I dare say that anyone who carries responsibilities meant for two surely has extra attention from God. I have witnessed mothers make the impossible work, for the sake of their children, and this is a sign of God’s goodness and grace. Can I get an Amen?

Being a parent, single or accompanied is a blessing. Do not feel sorry for those who go it alone, they get to experience full happiness , pleasures and pride that you can only imagine. Do not be quick to judge and condemn either, you do not know how they got there. Help where you can, speak kindly always, otherwise, be on your way.

 

Image credits.

A Generation missed

When it takes a village.

Given how we all have to be politically correct and culturally sensitive in order to exist in continuous harmony with the universe, I am left to wonder what happens to the groups that slip through the cracks. The ones who are told to walk it off, or slap on a band aid and get over it. There are the groups who are not visible enough to carry placards and demonstrate in the streets, they do not have colorful parades or international holidays, they only reside in the shadows and come out when put in the spot light by those who are part of the “walk it off” party. Maybe I am being too harsh, perhaps I should allow some room for excuses, and blame it on the system. The system responsible for screwing people over, and getting away with it. Because the system does not have a face or an address, it is Continue reading “A Generation missed”

Older people.

Died at 18 buried at 55

It’s been a fantastic day… I feel like I stepped into a portal that took me back in time, to a place full of forgotten things like laughter and conversation. Honestly, I also have found my age and I am bloody proud of it, millennial I am not. Continue reading “Older people.”

Disconnected

Staying for the kids…

The space between us was filled with unspoken words.

She sat at her table, physically present but running on auto pilot. She lived and breathed like she should, but a manikin would have elicited more emotion than she could master. Continue reading “Disconnected”