I did not grow up in the church; in fact we seldom went to church. I did not have a Sunday best as a result… but my wardrobe has however always been above par (na siringi). I feel badly about my missing out on the opportunity to sing choruses, cram bible verses, have church buddies, mtaa buddies, and mates from school.. I only had one set of friends, we all went to the same school and lived in the same hood.
My view of religion and how all matters Godly work is therefore slightly warped. I however grasped the basics like everyone else; there is only one God, He is everywhere but resides in Heaven (try explaining this to a six year old…tears of agony will be shed), He reserves the right to gift and to take away, we exercise free will – the right to choose where to go and what to do, but our actions will have consequences. I also understood that the devil is real, you can blame him once or twice for your foolishness, but it gets old fast…so make it good when it counts. He has cronies, who have powers believe it or not, and they will tempt you in all ways, your will and discipline will determine the outcome.
I also understood that in as much as God is your friend and by all intents and purposes your heavenly father, you are also to fear Him. How to have these boil in the same pot still remains work in progress, but the matter to consider is this; the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. In the Bible, the word “fear” can mean several things. It can refer to the terror one feels in a frightening situation (Deuteronomy 2:25). It can mean “respect” in the way a servant fears his master and serves him faithfully (Joshua 24:14). Fear can also denote the reverence or awe a person feels in the presence of greatness (Isaiah 6:5). The fear of the Lord is a combination of all of these.
Given that I am a stickler for rules, I do my best, but continuously surprise myself at my failure to abide by the rules. The ten commandments are a true test, if committing murder was not sin, I would be five steps ahead of Hitler (I do not work well with foolishness, which strongly manifests in persons such as caretakers and matatu drivers, sigh!). Coveting my neighbours field and assortment of German machinery is a daily fail, honestly what do some people do for a living? Are you perched on your high horse? Please come down, because we all lie, especially about the number of drinks we have had ( no need to blow on that stick please officer). Did you exaggerate the reason why you arrived to work 42 minutes late? A white lie is still a lie you know.
In pursuit of a simpler way to keep my lane and deliver on adherence to the Ten Commandments, I have looked for, listened out and watched the sky for Gods voice. I sincerely expected a Mene, Mene,Tekel, and Parsin delivery of Gods instructions…my walls presently make a grand display of my sons doodles. I have waited for a thundering voice from above…but nothing! I figured consumption of the herb might hasten the process, but realized ten months wearing vertical stripes will do nothing for me.
And then I attended the one church service that addressed my problem squarely.
It turned out that God has been speaking to me all along. I had not realized it was Him, and the delivery was not as dramatic as Moses and the burning bush. When we are requested to be still and know, it is not for nothing. God speaks in stillness, when it is calm and quiet, so you will not confuse or doubt that what you are hearing, is what you are meant to hear. God comes to you as a thought. YES! A THOUGHT. That idea you have, that quite sense, intuition if you will, that suggests a direction to take, or a path to avoid. I have many times heard Him, but I dismissed it because there was not any thunder and lightning accompanying the message. I wanted chariots with wheels of fire, angels blowing trumpets and to faint upon the realization…like a true damsel in distress.
As a result of poor management of my expectations, I have been waiting for something that has been with me all along. People, take time out to be quiet, meditate, think, feel, and be one with your maker. Answers may not come immediately, and they may not be what you want, but answers you will get…from your quiet voice.